Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
