Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
