kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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