so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
