Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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