It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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