Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
