I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
