I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
