smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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