so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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