he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
