Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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