Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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