OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
