we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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