Swine flu is the new snow day.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
