I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
