OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Vodka?
Forever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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