Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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