I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
