He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
