dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
