She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
