I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
