Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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