Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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