why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
