Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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