too bad you live with your parents still
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
