she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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