i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
