so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
