I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
