Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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