Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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