He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
