So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
