I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
