Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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