My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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