I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
