I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
