and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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