If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
