Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
