so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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