If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Success! We fucked roommates!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
