At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
