I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
