Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
