wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
