She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
